"Going to stick around all day won't do us any good," The figure said, dragging Gwen by her sweatshirt hood.
"But I wasn't-"
"My point is, is that we have to get out of here. Fast. The alarms are going to go off at any given moment!" Just as the words got out of her mouth, a chain of alarms went off in the lair. "See? We got to get moving."
"Hold on just a second." Gwen said, skidding her converse shoes onto the floor to force her to slow down. The figure stopped.
"Yes?" It asked with a clear state of annoyance.
"I don't even know you," She said, narrowing her eyes. "Why should I even trust you?"
"I don't know you either," The figure replied back. Its hood was still concealing its face. "But I do know that you have to trust me on this. No questions please," It started to grab for Gwen's sweatshirt hood again.
"Wait!" She flung out her arm and yanked the figure's hood away. Staring back at her was the same girl at the bus stop. Her dark brown hair seemed to be almost blown back and strands of it flecked in front of her pale face. What she hadn’t seen before were the color of her eyes- a bright sea green.
Not giving away much, as I said. To keep you guys suspenseful ;-) This scene was with my main character Gwen Blackwell meeting Lyra Phoenix. As you can see they get along nicely. What do guys think? It's still a work in progress, but I'm getting there! Oh, and I finished for Camp NaNo with over 20k! Very happy with the results. Word wars and races really help a ton.
One more update: I'm allowing anyone to comment on my posts, since I previously had it so only users with Google accounts could comment. One thing I ask, please no rude or unnecessary comments. You don't gain anything from it, and I don't either.
This is really good! Full of mystery, intrigue, and allure! I'm also impressed with the way you were able to describe appearance of Gwen and what she was wearing without directly saying so. I find that hard to do.
ReplyDeleteI loved it! The way you wrote it was phenomenal because of the way you balanced suspense, mystery and detail about the characters. This is something I would want to read more of!
ReplyDelete~T.